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Friday, January 09, 2009

08 January '09

i fear my results come Monday. Dread fills the bottomless pit of my gut, every inch of my mind is tainted with regret for things bygone and impossible to change.
Fear is so human. yet is it wrong, God, because it exposes my lack in faith for the plans you have installed for me.?

2 a.m
i cannot sleep. My mind is restless, incessantly fretting over useless things. i wish i could peek into the future, to see where i'm at, and, if i still exist, if i am leading a good life. Or maybe not, lest i become witness to a life-altering event which, regardless, would be impossible to prevent. "The future isn't set in stone, it changes all the time with the decisions we make.."
Sure, sure. Disengage yourself from the space- time continuum and tell me if you see what i see.
Oh Lord, i can only trust your wise and worthy judgement.. i pray by your unending love and grace that You will take where You want me, and, should You harden my heart against You, do not forsake me.

6 a.m
the younger sister barges into my room and switches on the glaring light.
"Tsk, what the heck..."
my initial annoyance dissipated and was replaced by a new annoyance that settled upon the crispy realization that i am still awake.
"what the heck..."

she's not here @

9:51 PM