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Sunday, March 06, 2011

Decisions, Indecisions.

This is a crucial moment, and I am afraid to step off on the wrong foot. Stay on the safe shore till I am certain and it feels right, but nothing is ever certain and how should I know what 'right' feels like? You will know it when it comes, but what if I only realize in hindsight and by then it's too late to make that call or reverse the action I took in effort to amend things. Oh my god.

Beggars can't choose. (/via @jongolia: via @tnweilin)

I like many things and I can live with a lot more things, is it important that I like what I do/ head towards a job that coincides with my interest, or perhaps try taking a hobby more seriously but am unsure if the interest will sustain. My Lit teacher once commented during a consult that I seem very interested in literature-related/abstract conceptual studies, but will do science just because it's a job.
I wholeheartedly concur, also it stunned me because I am so obviously that sort of person that others can tell (even if he might be extra-perceptive) and at that point in time I felt very naked feeble and stripped. Then again we share so many similar characteristics (like an absurd fascination with physics concepts, might I clarify, just the concepts, enough to read about them) that we had such a good laugh and he didn't say it was a [problem].

If there was something I learnt from people around me, it is that some mistakes are truly irrecoverable. Don't be fooled into thinking you can toy with this and that till you finally settle for something perfect, and that somehow life will play out just the way you desire. Before you even realize, so much Life would have passed and you are still in that same spot pacing forward/backward. The inertia to change your situation only grows bigger unless lightning strikes in midday. I don't have positive examples nor people to emulate. The way I learn, choose something and stick to it, learn to like it and suck your thumb.

Maybe this isn't working out afterall.
For now I'm feeling (quite lliterally) battered and bruised, need to buy [time].

she's not here @

3:02 AM