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Tuesday, March 08, 2011

This feels good, I feel calm and sedated just sitting here, the cold night air against my skin.
I had expected to feel differently after our results are now no longer a secret, but still I am right here waiting for something to happen.
It is one thing to be anticipating, the thing is, I don't even know what/why I'm for waiting for, if only god will tell me and vanquish this horrid nagging feeling. Everything is chaos around me, the walls I painstakingly built are disintegrating.. I have but two hands/ten fingers, and the fabric is ripping much faster than I can hold together. It's really coming apart now, and I can only watch mouth agape and take it all in.

I have a playlist in my ipod named 'Illinois:', it stores all the songs that nurse my sadness. I'm not sure why I named it Illinois:, I just think it sounds... City-like yet small town, how the letters placed side by side in that manner reverbs a sound of [loneliness], picture sweeping grasslands with [nothing] richocheting off [nothing]. I don't even know how Illinois looks like, but since young I liked how it sounds.

she's not here @

10:38 PM