<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/14684623?origin\x3dhttp://flyed.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Monday, April 18, 2011

Archi and ID aptitude test/ interview are finally over, i would like to think that I aced them but so often my confidence is misplaced.
At least, in that aspect, I can put off my worry till June.
Can't wait to start schooling, I can feel my brain retarding like wisps of cloud that dissipate into the empty blue sky.
Picking up my novels again.
Currently re-reading Norwegian Wood, after watching the movie two days back.
The movie, what can I say, I didn't like it much.
Poor scripting and directing, switched monologues, characters popping up too abruptly/randomly.
Poignant scenes were stretched and lingering, which I felt was apt, but the movie in it's entirety felt fragmented and incomplete.
The way each scene was stitched together felt almost arbitrary..
I wouldn't have understood it at all had I not already read the book.
And so I'm reading Norwegian Wood again, risking over-indentifying myself with Murakami's characters and their wounded spirits.

"All I'm left holding is a background, pure scenery, with no people at the front." (Murakami/Norwegian Wood)

Reminds me of how I feel so utterly detached from people/the world these days.
I look at the world through apathetic eyes, like an outsider, everything filtered through two or three layers of glass, in between which is a vacuum. My friends, family, people in general are over on that side, while I am here and alone.
My feelings are suspended in that vacuum between 'here' and 'there'.
Which means they are not with me now, which means I feel nothing.
Sometimes when I try to fall asleep at night I try, forcefully, to elicit some form of emotion.
Am I happy? Do I anticipate tomorrow? Life is great!
Maybe I'm sad? Lonely? Cry!

I settle myself to sleep everynight pretending I'm comatose or dead.

"Stuck inside this suffocating contradiction, I went on endlessly spinning in circles. Those were strange days, now that I look back at them. In the midst of life, everything revolved around death."
(Murakami/Norwegian Wood)

she's not here @

2:53 PM