Saturday, September 30, 2006
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg
believe how ecstatic i am.. ling yu & me (and a couple of others) were chosen for the leader ship training camp!! to be instructors for OAC next year!!!
oh yes yes. feel the euphoria.. i've been dying to go for a camp all my life, and trust me i havent been to one and i have regretted my whole 14 yrs.ahahah
wells, due to my stupid sceptical self, i cant help but think that we were chosen cos we're not from school team, thus its okay if our trg clash abit..
but who cares? i'm gonna be optimistic: WE'RE CHOSEN!!
lalalalalalalalaaaa~~~~! oh i so cant wait. ty to all who some how had a say in this and made this possible for me. hehe
Thursday, September 28, 2006
i should have said this a long time ago. saying this now hardly seems like the right time.
but you'd know if its you.
if you keep pushing me away, i WILL go away.
so stop giving me hope, if you do not want to let the others know.
cos to me, it actually hurts.
and every second its draining me; not only physically, but mentally.
its when i'm curious: when do i take what you say to heart?
why are you so warm one moment, and yet cold the next?
when should i like you? or should i not?
when do i know if you're just having a bad day?
this 2, or almost 2 years have been the most tiring, most suffocating.
i'm not even sure if i have your support.
yes, you really confuse me sometimes.
contradicting yourself in words and actions.
hurting me with ignorance, maybe even unknowingly.
but all this while, i still hope to believe in you...
so, i have one question: in your eyes, can you see me? do you choose to see me?
or are you just like all the others... who dont?
okay. last night was the scariest.
it was all so strange, 10+ when i brought little jacky down for a walk.
the sky was glowing red, like a lake of blood. no moon. no stars.
the wind was ghostly and chilly.
then i realised how empty the park/garden was. no other dog walkers, no regular china men, no kids playing on the playground.
the patches of grass were unkempt and uncannily unfamiliar, overgrown with long tickly weeds.
as i walked solitarily on the track, letting my thoughts stray, jacky spooked me by bolting towards the playground.
i looked and spotted a black cat crouching under one of the playground platforms, staring at me with chrome yellow irises, and no significant pupils. omg. it was freaky.
plus, the unusual haze was not helping at all.
and for once, i rubbed my eyes, wondering if my eyesight had finally begun to fail me after being perfect for 14 yrs, 9 months, and 7 days.
and worst of all, when i was leaving this bizzareness, i saw a roach. now since when did my estate have roaches? i walked and glanced down just in time to avoid a CRUSHED SNAIL. zzzzzzomg.
disgusting faggots. i'm hating snails.
and that was the end of my very scary night.
Monday, September 18, 2006
disintegrate me
into a thousand tiny pieces
let me fly high
as far as i could go
i'd flow along the river
i'd float amongst the forest
FEAR NOT - for i will not come on home
disintegrate me
into a pile of glowing ashes
let me rise high
up into the heavens
i'd drift amongst the clouds
i'd fall down with the rain
WITHOUT ME - your life will be the same again
disintegrate me
into a swirl of shimmering dust
let me drift high
amongst nature's comfort
i'd visit the moon
i'd play amongst the stars
and YOU WILL LIVE ON - for many years to pass
fear not; without me; you will live on;
no.dontyellatme.whatdididotodeservethis?youwereakidbfore,sodontyouunderstand?haveyouforgotthetimeswhenyouwereachild?no.stophittingme.whatdididotodeservethis?youremakingmeutterlyconfused.whenamisupposedtolikeyou,whenamisupposednottolikeyou?yousoscareme.idunevenknowwhentolikeyou..andeverytimeyoustartyelling,startscreaming,ihideinthetoilet.ihideinmyroom.costhatswhereicanreallyhavemyprivacy.andcrymyheartout.butevenso,icannotcryoutloud.allbecauseyouhateppltocry.doyouknowhowmuchithurt,tofeelsohurt,andyetisunabletocrytomyheartscontent?cositreallyhurts.everylittlebitandcornerofmyheart.whatmustidotomakeyouunderstand?or..willyouneverunderstand?
THANKYOUTOILET, FORBEINGTHEREWHENINEEDYOU.
Thursday, September 14, 2006
Hold up
Hold on
Dont be scared
You'll never change whats been and gone
May your smile
Shine on
Dont be scared
Your destiny may keep you warm
Cos all of the stars
Are fading away
Just try not to worry
You'll see them some day
Take what you need
And be on your way
Stop crying your heart out
Stop crying your heart out.......
Oasis- stop crying your heart out
yay. comfort me. and this song goes out to LY, esp.
and maybe all the others out there who need some comfort. ^^
-- just to tell you, sometimes who lose our way
and realise everythings changed.
And we lose control of the happy things in life...
but pls remember.. to get back on track again! ;)
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
RARR. so surprised that i didnt fail anything! omfg esp. maths. HOW IS IT POSSIBLE.?! when i've been failing the whole way. i mean, like 2/20 & 6/40.?! it so makes me wonder... fairies must exsist! -.- sigh... i wanna do well, and yet i dont know how to study. how man.. and actually i dont think Mdm Nur wants me in art anymore.. (dont ask me why i think so) ^^|
wah how surprising! i actually blogged about myself.. lol. AND YOU READER (if any) WHAT ARE YOU HERE READING THIS FOR HUH.? YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING!! hahahaah. peace out..
" Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know. "
- Quoted from Foaly, the centaur from Artemis Fowl. ^^
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
sometimes, i'd chance upon serious pictures that look like THIS.
dog (leash) owner ----------> (direction)----->
the picture will show the owner strutting along, and the poor puppy struggling to catch up.
and then i'd laugh and come to a conclusion:
that artist dont keep dogs!!! lol. we all know that the DOG always walks first aye..?
Sunday, September 10, 2006
hmm.. tonight, the moon was so round, so clear (i could see the crater-ish markings), edges so defined, that i almost thought it was super-imposted. ^^'
hey. one never know, man. God may have adobe photoshop too. ;)
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Heres the best way to spend a night. (esp really sad ones)
1. grab a can of coffee
2. get your handphone with mp3 play out function.
3. leash up your dog
4. bring it down for a walk!
5. repeat the above every alternate days!
yes yall should try this at home. its great for both you AND YOUR DOG! (stop torturing it duh. X))
when its kinda dark, just go downstairs,(with your dog. or without, if you dont have one. usually the dog's an excuse so you can go down.) enjoy the cool breeze, breathe in the fresh smell of grass, (after rain is always a bonus) look up at the moon, ask if she's (i prefer it female) fine... blast your rockin solitary music and just allow the darkness to kind of overwhelm you, and indulge yourself in a good slow stroll.
just relax, let your hair down(dont be daft, its an idiom) and you'll take notice of all the small insignificant happenings that you would never have noticed, and this is when you'll smile because you're happy, AND feel happy because you smile all at the same time! bfore you know it, 1/2 or 1 hr would have alr passed! (and you shall return home when your coffee finishes ^^)this has really good calming effects,so try it! your dog will love you much more too. yup.
Friday, September 08, 2006
There was once a man who stood at the very edge of a gushing river, wanting to commit suicide.
Everyone was woried sick for him. His family, his relatives, his friends, and a whole bunch of other ppl.
But he threatened to jump if anyone got near.
Everyone was anxious when suddenly, he lost his footing!
He stepped onto slippery moss; he was falling.
Everyone screamed. HE screamed.
Finally, he regained his balance.
Awfully shaken, he exclaimed:" PHEW! omg wad a close shave! i ALMOST DIED!"
Everyone cheered and hugged him.
But amidst the crowd, a kid was puzzled.
"But......... didnt he WANT to die.?" he asked
The adults turned to look at him... "....what.?" (reaction time: 7 secs XD)
Unsatisfied, the kid walked away perplexed. "Adults are so very odd!"
last night, paul went out!!!!
lol. i will not tell you ppl how SI cheats behind the scenes (in case i get sued)
but all i'd really like to tell the world is that,
listen to Paul. not hear. i mean listen. (if you dont know the diff, you can come ask me. ;))
single out his voice alone. and you'll realise that
actually, he has a great potential in his voice! only that for the sad part, he doesnt know how to make use of it properly YET.
thats why ppl usually need vocal trainings. ^^
but many ppl dont think so, bcos the judges dont spell it out for them.
"you know how ppl are. they only recognize greatness when some authority confirms it."
A six year old boy called CALVIN can tell you that. (ok. so maybe its bill watterson. but..heck)
Thursday, September 07, 2006
In a bus,
i trust the bus driver to take us to our destination safely.
i trust the bus driver when he tells me :" No, this bus goes to kovan and hougang MRT station only."
i trust my friend next to me to wake me up bfore i miss my stop.
i trust the person sitting behind me not to kick my chair.
i trust the people around me not to make a din so i can slp.
i trust the people boarding the bus not to hold up the bus for too long.
see.? In a bus, theres so much trust.
for things we cant control, we TRUST.
theres this humble and innocent aura around children, that you can never find in an average adult.
the part i love in being a child is that in a child's mind, they are fine with things making not much sense.
whereas adults need everything to make so much fking sense that everything becomes too logical and regulated.
thats why average adults lead really boring lives. ;)
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
when everybody loves you, you can never be lonely.
really.? sometimes, sometimes, its not that easy.
what if it all is a facade.? wad if all is bound to fall apart.?
and we question if your love, comes from your heart.?
and we refuse to accept even if its true.
we push love away; broken hearts are hard to heal.
we all know that too much love kills.
As we move on with life, unable to accept the fact that we would never see irwin's crickey croc shows on animal planet anymore, we will always remember that there was once a crocodile hunter who always say: eeeaasssyyy mate~ & beau-tiful~! who feared not of poisonous snakes, humongous crocodiles, painful stingrays, and not death. he who wonderfully risk it all to safe the wildlife, but died doing wad he loved most. hats off to you, irwin.
Monday, September 04, 2006
remember how i used to tell people:
sometimes when it rains, i feel that its raining because something bad has happened to someone around the globe, anywhere; and that
the sky, the heavens, is mourning over it for everyone in the world.
on our behalf. on behalf of all the compassion we lack. to compensate.
today, this very monday, when steve irwin passed away, as i'm writing this post, it is raining. it had been raining since this afternoon.. its such a damn big stupid effing loss. i'm so sorry, irwin. i loved you. we all loved you.
sometimes, i hate myself for thinking this way, and yet still love rain.
i always wish for rain. and then, i'd stop and ask myself: by wishing for rain, am i hoping for something bad to happen to somebody.?
and then, i'd come up with some stupid excuse by means of consoling my own conscience. humans are so naive.
i cried for steve irwin. and the terrible loss to the world. we salute you.
