Wednesday, October 29, 2008
i score a 8/10 on the Happiness scale!!! :D
art paper two(drawing&painting) today was fantastic.
we knew this would be the outcome, but let me say it anyway: all our past struggles and "bandung nights" have been worth it.
all of us did better than before, i can declare this the best drawing & painting paper i have ever done.
thank God i made the impromptu(albeit rash) decision to use watercolour+studio pencils instead of acrylic paint.
WOOHOO! i cannot describe the joy and relief i feel. :DDDD
(during the exam, i skipped to the hairdryer and back what do you think :P)
after the exam, there was a mass eruption of euphoric squeals and screams.
i am still feeling a little sour because that meanie refused to let us take pictures of our final works, but its okay. this paper is like a secret locked in my head,shared only among the art girls.
it was all a dream!
yes it feels unreal.
meow.
i am 70% sure that i am not going to take art as a subject in JC, and i can already feel the nostalgia creeping in.
i will miss art so much.
but for now, the joy supersedes the sadness i know will come.
for now.
she's not here @
8:18 PM
finally some shut-eye. two hours. >.<
someone give me a morning call, please!
she's not here @
3:30 AM
no, not you.
i'm going to be vague like that, you can torture yourself all you want.
fool
finally, the com has given up on its stubborn ways. i couldn't resist the temptation to blog.
for the entire afternoon, the com has been pretty much a bastard, abandoning me in my greatest time of need. just now, it shut down on me before i could get my artist's statement and artist influence printed. bastard.
i have to be awake in four hours, and once again, i am denying myself the much needed respite that sleep provides.
art students must all be masochistic freaks.
but look on the brighter side!
tomorrow, there shall be a great burden lifted off my chest, an extra bounce in my step....
if i survive today, that is. -.-
oh dear God, please be with me, in me.
15 days to (temporary)freedom! there are countless things i want to buy. Aston's :) pool! books. i need fundsssss
she's not here @
12:52 AM
Sunday, October 26, 2008
there is a portion of my life, before
it was a foolish mistake-
you know and i know.
the
sharp
side of the
blade;
pulls,
pushes,
dragging a
piece of
dark
red
muscle
that is my
heart
out-
each
barking
threat stabs
,slashes.
each
icy
glare;
stalagmites
piercing
into
my
skin.
each
pounding
syllable propels
me deeper
into my
shell
of
routine
mangled hair,
strangled
sobs,
and
fervent
prayers. be
careful!
words
can
kill. the
hurt is real.
she's not here @
9:30 PM
Thursday, October 23, 2008
is this what 'stress' feels like.?
she's not here @
11:26 PM
Hopping out of bed and thinking about the one thing
that will make the morning sun shine a little brighter
that will make the birds sing a little more
enthusiastically, that will make the crisp air seem
a little crisper and that will make my day before
the day even really starts
- something pretty i got off the wall in Starbucks
saw death on a sunny snow
"for every life..."
"forgo the parable."
"seek the light."
"... my knees are cold"
she's not here @
12:03 AM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
i was sitting in front of my computer, absently sketching on my drawing pad, the shades of graphite reflecting the mood of thoughts swirling in my head. the past few days have been a hurricane. it left as suddenly and abruptly as it came, leaving an evident wreck behind.
there have been many cases like this featured on newspapers before, which we scorn and frown upon the apparent irrationality of this action. some of us felt a twinge of sympathy towards the families of these people(who are the actual victims), but these sympathies were soonest erased or filed into the back of our minds. this time, the victims are people dear to me, and it took place so close to home. most of us are still in a state of disbelief. it was frightening and undoubtedly unexpected.
i have a vivid imagination. i stood staring at the garish yellow drapes that sealed the pavilion, trying to picture the scene and emotions(can we even begin to comprehend.?), trying to fit a piece in a puzzle that just stubbornly won't fit. seeing my friend break down in front of me was a most heart-wrenching sight. that day, as she shattered into a million pieces, my heartstrings were pulled to the ends of the world.
eventually, the truth sank in and an alarm bell went off in my head. it alerted me to the reality of this crisis- or something i know not what because i haven't begun to organise my tangled thoughts. yesterday, as i walked across the pavilion towards home, those yellow drapes were gone. in place was a strange emptiness resonating throughout the lackadaisical estate that could only be due to the departure of a soul. her departure left little trace in this world, the only residue being in the form of fragile, broken hearts. Ling Yu, my dearest friend, if holding you tight would keep you from crumbling, i will hug you so tight and even if the shards threaten to cut me,
i will hug you so tight.
she's not here @
9:48 AM
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Those familiar yellow drapes--
that spell the end to a story
that lacks a better ending by default;
that passers by scurry by
heads bowed low in dreaded respect;
--seemed all too familiar now
As i glanced into the cavity
the emptiness felt strange and alien
the mid-morning laze was preceded by
a palpable sense of tiredness and fatigue
A sober sob pierced the silence of the still sleeping neighbourhood
laced by a sonorous, phantom laughter
that can only come from the lips
of your radiant smile
Your vibrant presence--
more like a friend
with your endless good cheer;
an ideal mother figure
with your overflowing love and big heart;
--is quiet now
*
we will surely miss you.
my dear friend, please stay strong.
we will be here with you.
she's not here @
2:33 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
i am glad that i possess the inability to feel awkward.
i hardly find silences awkward, rather, i honestly find it trying to constantly come up with new, interesting small talk all the time.
it is refreshing to sit in the silence of one another, just enjoying the comfort of each others' presence, allowing wordless conversations to flow along our stream of thoughts.
this obstacle i hope we can quickly overcome. then, we can hope to be lifelong friends.
-
i am saddened that we are not having a prom night this year.
as much as prom night is an unimportant and superficial event, it is still a much anticipated highlight that marks the end of our four gloomy years in this school.
i need not recount the series of unfortunate events that have befallen our batch of students, not many can forget the recurring feelings of dissatisfaction, exasperation and resentment.
not having enough funds to rent a place outside is a bad argument; we now know that the claim that teachers are reluctant to fork out some money is false, and the students can pay.
not wanting to inculcate the non-value of vanity is worse, seeing as this will be a final gathering for all of us, and that we are all becoming women.
clearly, the decision-makers have not spared a thought for the significance of this event to us.
every journey should ideally have a good beginning and a good ending. or, at the very least, a decent closure. (the programme for Grad Day this year was....... crappy and lame.)
in our eyes, Cedar cannot hope to redeem itself.
-
good(?) thing we have a more pressing issue at hand.
(i am silently panicking)
dies-
she's not here @
11:05 PM
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
& the fish leaped out of the water in joy, to see an eagle circling overhead...
Dear God, show me what to do. in trying to love, i end up hurting others instead.
you may hate me, but i'll remember to love you
-
met Michael Cottam at The Cathay- Starbucks last Saturday.
he's the Head of the Animation & Games Department at SAE institute.
famous, apparently. you can google him. O_O
cool dude! chloe was sketching for art paper 2 when he asked if he could offer her some tips.
learnt many techniques from him!
he showed us many of his artworks, big big projects that were truly impressive.
sketches he did when he was ten had such a great level of detail i cannot hope to compare.
he showed us a picture he took with george lucas, and the many spaceships he designed for starwars. he drew a space station from chaos(?), which is very very cool.
haha.
-
i pwnz ben in english chess!
we're all CHESS GEEKS. meow.
she's not here @
7:15 AM
Sunday, October 12, 2008
art will haunt me till death.
8 days to O's, panic!!!!!!! productively. :)
she's not here @
9:06 AM
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
All the waves of blame arrange as broken scenery
as they steal your best memories away
what if i was someone different in your only history
would you feel the same as i walk out your door
or will it be just as quiet when i leave.?
i dont expect anything, i dont expect anything
to change
and we, we started out bad, got good, and ended just as tragically as we started
she's not here @
11:09 PM
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Graduation Day 08!
today marks our last official day in school, and as a Cedarian.
as the ceremony was coming to a closure and we sang our hearts out through quivering sobs, i was overcome by nostalgia for bygone days and tears flowed freely down my face.
although i dislike cedar, i have formed many relationships that i hold dear.
some ties i know will last forever, and i am saddened because i will miss them.
some ties i can only hope, and i am saddened that the time has come for us to part.
my heartfelt thanks to these people whom i cherish dearly:
Ms Poon! shown the greatest kindness to me
Mr Sng! best dressed male teacher today, ha ha
Ms Teh! energizer bunny :)
Ms Begam! most successful teacher+friend "lets promote the cedar e-portal!"- Ms Begam
the P, VPs, and DM. meepz. xD
Arters 08'/ free period people:)
May we all continue to keep in touch and gather together once in awhile to reminisce the good times and the bad, the pleasant memories as well as the struggles and pain. May we continue to support and root for one another through thick and thin. i will never forget how grateful i am to have these people in my life. strive on! and all the best for Os, as well as future endeavors.
Loads of Love <3!
May we all continue to keep in touch and gather together once in awhile to reminisce the good times and the bad, the pleasant memories as well as the struggles and pain. May we continue to support and root for one another through thick and thin. i will never forget how grateful i am to have these people in my life. strive on! and all the best for Os, as well as future endeavors.
Loads of Love <3!
she's not here @
12:58 PM
Thursday, October 02, 2008
All we had were dreams
of future times to replicate the past;
That surface tension never breaks
under the raging torrent
of falsity and disguise;
The distance screams
she's not here @
8:51 PM
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
got this off Jedi's blog:
It was as if I couldn't escape thinking about the possibility of God. In fact, the day I chose to acknowledge God's existence, my prayer began with, "Ok, you win..." It might be that the underlying reason atheists are bothered by people believing in God is because God is actively pursuing them.
I am not the only one who has experienced this.
Malcolm Muggeridge, socialist and philosophical author, wrote, "I had a notion that somehow, besides questing, I was being pursued." C.S. Lewis said he remembered, "...night after night, feeling whenever my mind lifted even for a second from my work, the steady, unrelenting approach of Him whom I so earnestly desired not to meet. I gave in, and admitted that God was God, and knelt and prayed: perhaps, that night, the most dejected and reluctant convert in all of England."
ha ha. although when i was an atheist i was not bothered by people believing in God, this was exactly how i felt. :)
will you finally forgive me.?
she's not here @
12:54 AM
the coffee's never strong enough
before i forget: SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my malay friends!!! (and foes)
*
study sessions with 'The Usuals' have been increasingly frequent. i like. :D
so chloe insisted to be discharged the day before, much to our delight yet slight dismay. in the past few days of visitations, we have taken to her private ward very much. endless air conditioning, drifting toilet door, wonder-bed, HBO, channel 17(haha), ten- ball pool, awesome free hospital food, bland expensive hospital food, F1!!! football hold you know. if you know what i mean. lol!
chloe spent her birthday in the hospital, we gave her a mini celebration. apple pie! styrofoam box-plates. haha okay i am making random sense.
today was awesome F-U-N! will post pics soon. i knowww i promised CHMA+RHD pics but i realised that those events have long gone, i dont suppose anyone is still interested in them. text me if you are. O_O
i am so very blessed to have these 24/7 friends-- a name coined by mf, which i find very apt.
now i hope we can stand the test of time. :)
she's not here @
12:07 AM
