i think emotions harm your body as much as UV rays, car crashes and refrigerators. and whatever it is i'm feeling right now, God only knows what parts of my body are being demolished. and because i let emotions affect me all the time, its like i'm my own murderer, cruising myself down the highway to hell.(there are no traffic jams on these kind of highways) And i deserve it. because i'm not a good person- because i'm a bad person who also happens to be lost.
you helped them to kill me
i held on too long, and did everything wrong but i hope you'll be missing me like i will miss you
she's not here @
9:28 PM
Saturday, March 22, 2008
when emo dies, i will ingest his entire innards whole and sing like a chipmunk.
zomg. just found out from jedi that dogs can only distinguish colours ranging from blue to violet, white, black, and shades of grey. warm colours(towards red in the colour spectrum) appear yellowish, greenish colours appear white. how warped.
meep. i am sadz. poor jacky! >.<
the sunsets he will never be able to appreciate the fresh colour of grass he is completely oblivious to (he eats them) the sock we gave him for christmas he never knew was red
i wonder how i look like through the lenses of his eyes. ---------------------------- watched rule#1 today. fucking scary, but damn sad..(the last minute) T.T the whole movie from start to end has a take away point: never ASSUME.
a person wearing a police uniform was chasing another person wearing plain clothes. who is the policeman.? in this instance, we would obviously point out the one in the uniform as the policeman. but in fact, both of them are policemen. they were chasing after a thief, he wasnt shown in the picture.
the head of the miscellaneous affairs department was frequently seen drinking from an ol' school metal bottle(the flat ones ppl use to store whisky) during work. everyone thinks he is an alcoholic bastard who is constantly in a state of drunken stupor. he conformed to their disillusioned minds. when he died, his supervisor uncapped the bottle wanting to imbibe some liqeuer himself. but out poured water.
tsk. we humans are way too easily manipulative and prone to assumptions..
she's not here @
1:39 AM
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
lol guess what. i just came back from JOGGING!!! hahahazzomg. woohoo, sexy legs here i come. :D
eek. i rub my eyes till my eyelashes come out.
expiry date: 050508 i'm five minutes to midnight.
she's not here @
7:50 PM
Monday, March 17, 2008
ha ha ha zzzomg i am home at this time of the day that is so fantastic. i have no training till next wed! (the coach is not in town)
so sch wasnt too bad today... was rather high in the morning cos i have new nice songzz to listen to. :D and cos there were v little lessons today. like, effectively two.? but well, what goes up must come down. :( i'm sorry i didnt mean to feel like this i'm glad you all are happy once again i'm a selfish ugly bitch chem spa was..................... -.- there i was trying to concentrate, there in the other room was handbell tinkling away..... sheesh i swear i wanted to just walk out (after slamming the beaker on the floor) they were playing phantom of the opera btw. with this incessant tok tok tok tok tok tok tok (x infinity).... not that i dont like phantom, but it didnt really help with the frustration...
oais gave us a farewell today got a big red elmo balloon, i named him emo. lol. pretty sweet of them, but it was such a hurry i had to leave at 2.15 (it started at 2.05.?) for chem spa. and i didnt eat the cake though they left some cos it was all mushy and well..... gross. dont know why, but our stepdown as ldrs felt reallly unofficial. sigh. cedarians are really bad at closures.
argh. why cant ants dieeeeeeee.
k i'm just upset. for no reason. no reason at all. you know how humans are all such masochistic creatures. like even when there's no reason to be sad, we're sad anyway. cos there's no reason to be happy either. and every littlest thing exaggerates itself till it fills the entire cavity of your bursting mind, nagging in the background of every other thought, gnawing endlessly at the raw jagged edges of the hole in your heart till its simply impossible to be happy.. its terrible, how sadness becomes an equilibrium state of mind...
she's not here @
5:28 PM
Sunday, March 16, 2008
i dread dread dread dread dread dread dread school tmr. T.T school commences in approximately 7 hrs. i hate school so much. dont ever wanna go back.
two can keep a secret, if one of them is dead.
LIVE IN THE MOMENT DIE TODAY.
come home.
she's not here @
11:27 PM
Saturday, March 15, 2008
:'( If I could do it over I would trade, give away, show the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken
what hurts the most is being so close &having so much to say &watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been ¬ seeing that loving you is what i was trying to do
she's not here @
5:20 PM
(WARNING: the following is an average mundane sequence of events post.)
Thursday caught 'Sky of Love' with chantal jedi qiming at cine. i was mortified when i heard chantal bought two couple seats, cos i thought it was the red couch thingy and i did not want to sit on the couch alone cos jedi was late! like, damn loserish. loolz. but they turned out to be just normal seats, so it was fine afterall. movie was okay, laughed/squealed a lot, but it was fucking sad too. >:'( it was quite amusing. Day 1: meet Day 2: had sex Day 3: got raped(of no consequence) Day 4: PREGNANT
LOL!!! they were say, 17.? ohmigawd.
after that, went down to chomp chomp for stingray and ice-cream date w charlton deb jeffrey ly ayesha alethea chloe.
yah, i was late by 2 hrs buttt.... 1) i got a much bigger piece of stingray at a cheaper price 2) the sugarcane juice i bought was sooo much more worth it! ha ha ha ha <3 everyone became sour grapes. OH yes. rule: bring a friend not from cedar dresscode: black/white (i was all black of course. white's just plain gay) alethea and ayesha flouted the rule, and (almost) EVERYONE flouted the dresscode! lousy poks. lol
ice cream was annoyingly awesomez! chishun and rachel goh came, jeffrey left quite early.. each scoop of ice cream comes with a test tube of baileys/ some other liqueur of your choice. me and deb decided to down half the test tube of liqeuer i measured half BUT I ONLY TOOK ONE SIP AND EVERYTHING WAS GONNEE. zzzomg i told them a cat stole my liqeuer but they didnt believe me. >.<
Friday study date with chan and jedi at marina square subway. wasnt very productive, we took a lot of spastic pictures. loolz.
after that met chishun jolyn kevin and we camped outside the old supreme court. it was pretty awesome, apart from that higglypuffjinglyjangly episode. yup. JD was the secks, i uber lurb whiskey RAAAAWWWWWWW. muahaha. sorry jolyn, i like totally stole your bday present. yah, we bought it for you. lol! 40% alcohol, i downed the whole bottle. mmhaha. not bad. chugged the last one third. i swear i didnt need to puke, but the world kept spinning in an entirely annoying fashion i got dizzy and nauseated. loolz. beer tasting was fun too. asahi was okay, heinekein(sp.?) tastes like tiger, dont really like. stella was quite good, corona tastes like... puke. -o- jolyn's got a unique taste. lol and i dont like gin! is that wierd. zzzhaha like drinking perfume. MCDONALDS. ha ha ha ha yeah we ordered 2 mcnugget meal, they only gave like 2 boxes of curry sauce lousy stingy neh nehs. apparently it wasnt enough lah kevin wanted roti prata but everyone refused to walk(too bad) chishun grabbed more food from seven-eleven, which tastes quite good actually. lol twisties. zzzomg chishun is like five months pregnant and a belly dancer at the same time. -o- and he goes to the toilet every two minutes. zzzlol spent ten million years quessing his chinese name, then kevin cabbed home, me and jolyn went to sleep in chishun's house, a.k.a land of the drunk. LOL
yeah thats all. zzomg i hate this kind of posts. super self-absorbed. i hope you didnt bother reading this shit.
she's not here @
3:18 PM
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
the sound of time passing by can sometimes hide the sounds of beauty that quietly speaks if we are smart enough to stop and listen we may hear their whispers carried in the wind &we may have the power to stop the wheels of time
even for a little while
its sad, how everything is ephemeral life is ephemeral beauty is ephemeral everyone dies every prettiest flower whithers in the passage of time time is the greatest murderer ruthless, relentless, cold-hearted
there's no such thing as forever the term forever has been warped by humans (so that they can forcefully fit it in the context of their short lives) into merely as long as possible but even so it has become meaningless because soon, memories fade, minds change people cease to care; humans are natural promise- breakers ------------------------------------------------- everyone(or no one), gogo check out Gilad on deviantart!(linked) he's an awesome photographer, he inspires me and makes me wanna pick up a camera. isreal must be a pretty place. or maybe its just great photography+magic camera. loolz!
annette told me of acoustic guitars going for $45-50 @ Bras Besar!!! ahhhhh mewanttt. boo.(or maybe someone can get me one for my bday. heehee)
zero motivation to do hmwk zero motivation to study
lost for art despite countless re-mindmappings my thoughts are all one jumbled mumbled befuddled muddled addled fuzzy wuzzy muzzy piece of abstract
wonky, uninterpretable, impossible to extract.
i pretend to be productive.
she's not here @
11:03 PM
Monday, March 10, 2008
art marathon was awesomezzz!!! (quite.) so yesterday was art marathon with chan nette jedi, nette couldnt stay over and qm was there half the time... i loved it, i didnt want the night to end the hard plastic tables and chairs beside the pool were ironically comfortable and cosy, the nighttime was calm and serene, the endless guitar playing and song singing= ubar luvs. i have no idea why we laughed so much. and jedi's "stuck-y" phase! ( tell me! tell me! AHHH)
everything was sweet, apart from the lousy security bastard and pratamen, lights going off at 11.45pm, freezing cold despite jacket.. and well, feeling kinda lost and unproductive. eek.
the path that I'm walking, i must go alone... i must take the baby steps until I'm full grown, full grown fairytales dont always have a happy ending, do they and I foresee the dark ahead if I stay...
i hope you know, i hope you know that this has nothing to do with you its personal, Myself and I we've got some straightenin' out to do and I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I've got to get a move on with my life its time to be a big girl now
& big girls don't cry
she's not here @
3:26 PM
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
knock knock knocking on heaven's door
she's not here @
10:19 PM
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
why.? has life become meaningless for you too.?
Superhuman expectations of an imperfect being. how can the fallible be omniscient and omnipresent at the same time.? flawed as we are...
sigh, school's a damn drag. not that i mean to gripe and indulge in self- absorption, but this is my only mean of expressing. do bear with me. or dont care at all.
zero sense of self- preservation this world is not meant for people like me to thrive survive in at all.
Mrs LKC has been getting increasingly annoying lately. her efficacy in making us (or maybe only me) feel like lousy pieces of rotting shit, and overbearing self- aggrandisement is honestly unnerving, mind- numbing, and excruciatingly upsetting. she may be the best SS teacher in Singapore. so what.? she is still, essentially, a victim to her vices; a dismal, depraved being completely unaware of her own hubris with lessons of humility to learn. she derides us with poisoning sarcasm despite our plaintive eyes, then later eludes us all by having faith and preaching us of hope. is this contradiction mere ambivalence, or an inability to decide whether or not to use reverse psychology.?
i know not.
she's not here @
9:18 PM
Sunday, March 02, 2008
being alive or living your life its all in how you mix the two and it starts just where the light exists its a feeling that you cannot miss
and it burns a hole through everyone who feels it
midnight twilight bathe in gold the warmth we cannot shy away from and have long not been overwhelmed by how amazing it feels just to live again
and it burns a hole through everyone who feels it
the twelve qualities of heart pain: sharp, stabbing, aching, gnawing, piercing, shooting, throbbing, dull, splitting, cramping, heavy, numb...
yayee, i am finally back from camp. (okay oneandahalfdays ago) lol imo, it was a success, albeit the little scare and slightly sucky campfire. its true, OAC brings people together! i managed to build a rapport with this certain someone, ha ha ha my wish is sooo fulfilled. hannah dont be jealous! xD
kayaking was F-U-N, 8 hours straight of belaying was a tad hardcore. meep, i've got holes in my fingers. loolz. but the instructors there were awesome! ha ha ha we were laughing all the way, not forgetting the free ice- cream. heehee. the food sucked, either we were underfed or.... underfed. but i made myself this uber potent nescafe coffee on the second day, i think i added like some fourandahalf table spoons of coffee powder! it was awesome, it lasted the whole day till after campfire ard twelve, the effect of coffee waned and i completely zonked out. -.-
kay, i am lazy to recap everything. i've got preedy pictures! lol and now i have random rashes everywhere. urghhh. ------ yesterday, me and ly impromptu-ly decided to go watch movie, we called jenn along. watched P.S, i love you. it was ohkayz, a little trashy. hmmm. and they kinda pressured me to buy a pencil box and i was tempted. kinda regret, though. it didnt worth the 12bucks, and i still want a metal one. geez. well. after that, ate some awesome korean food at jenns house! it was fantabulous ah. and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOLYNNNNNN!!!<3
she's not here @
11:10 AM
THERE'S A BLUEBIRD IN MY HEART THAT WANTS TO GET OUT BUT I'M TOO TOUGH FOR HIM, I SAY, STAY DOWN,
DO YOU WANT TO MESS ME UP?
Came a time, when every star fall brought you to tears again
Bookworm
Currently Reading:
A Confederacy of Dunces
~ John Kennedy Toole
On the Road (again)
~ Jack Kerouac
Wishbone
my greatest wish would be to wake up in the morning everyday and just enjoy a yummy breakfast at a quiet cafe, tea, soft light, a good book..
or to wake up in a different suburb, an actual countryside this time, to have a home at the end of the world.
