Thursday, January 31, 2008
soon, we'd have to schedule in time for breathing in our time-tables.
ack, i'm freaking out for art. how how how my ideas somehow seem to be
1) non- existent
2) too insubstantial
3) lacking 'wow' factor
4) larger than life
all of the above are not good, by the way. and i/ we seem to be making very little progress very slowly.
steadfast on the highway to hell
its merely the end of january, but it seemed to have gone on forever.
think i'd like commit harakiri before the end of september.
oh hey, why not now.?
is it too conspicuous if i jump off the fourth floor of the school building.?
i promise to be absolutely quiet.
wont complain, wont even scream.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Mrs Chia:" i feel very sorry for the better girls like Qin Huan, Annette and Aishah you know. cause they're so fast but they have to slow down their learning so that the rest of you can catch up..."
i'm sorry for being so stupid lah.
when will teachers ever realize that reverse psychology dont fucking work.
it's been a long time since i've felt good.
Monday, January 28, 2008
we are all actors spewed upon a stage
alert and unready;
the future bestows no hope.
you're leaving are you already gone
i thought i knew you but now i cant be sure
you walked out the door and left me hanging
by a thin frazzled thread in an empty fragile room
i am left with memories of what was
now i doubt if those memories were true
you're just like the wind
i can never hold on to
yay me, i am sick and dying.*rolls eyes*
Sunday, January 27, 2008
i have a conclusion:
we've all gotta plan ahead and work towards the future, but we must always remember to cherish the present and live in the moment. :)
cheers!
to here and now, here and now.
----------------------------------------------
wouldnt it be great, if we could all time travel once in a while, peek into the the future.?
we could then be sure and certain for once, and know whatever good prospects the future holds for us... and that no matter how fucked up life is at the moment, we will get there.
yet at the same time, we will have to constantly face the alarming, disconcerting truth:
that our future has already been decided and fixed upon us.
everything we do is inevitable, there is no such thing as a coincidence.
there is no freewill, we just have to act as if we do.
even if we time travel and meet with something potentially irreversible,
there if nothing we can do to avoid, prevent, or salvage the situation...
sigh, what a (non-existent) conundrum.
keep you in the dark
you know they all pretend
this is my two-hundred-and-twenty-second post.
*spam tic-tacs!*
Labels: until the day i die
Saturday, January 26, 2008
live in the moment (what if you lead a long life), or plan for the future (what if you died today).?
i care because i'm alive.
watched 27 dresses with jolyn khai ly halimatul germaine deb today,
its quite good, kevin/malcolm doyle is soooo hottt!!!
ha ha ha
me and khai have a new hobby: tau huey, croissants, tic-tac-toe with invisible lines using coins. :D
So our open wounds will bleed
Until our veins run dry
Now we have to take this thorn
And tear it from our side
Agitated at the fault line
Still agreed to disagree
You're connected to the heart
But tonight we'll set you free
So swallow the knife
Carve the way for your pride
Now our hands are tied
The problems lie within
Words are spoken
Words are broken
our world is caving in
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
i'm wiped out, its been a long time since i've slept.
i think i'm falling sick..
damn, school. damn.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
yay, i have a new <3 teevee show, its called Miami Ink!
Axn abandoned me, now i discovery travel(chn 16) every eleven pm...
Miami ink is really about a group of uber talented tattoo artists, people flock down to their tattoo parlour just to tap on their creativity...
i love this show, cos these artists are great i bet they all graduated from art school and they give moi inspiration while i'm doing my art! ha ha.
&some times its really sad in a way; the people who go there to get their tattoos done have really sad stories or reasons behind them. these tattoo artists are really a bunch of cool friendly people(though they may look intimidating with all that tattoos). while doing the tattoo, they will usually speak to their clients and ask their clients to share their stories and most people have sad ones they cant stop themselves from crying..
like there was a dad who wanted a dragonfly tattoo because he killed his own son by accident while backing his car out of the driveway. he told his son to go play in the playground, but apparently his son prefers the driveway.. thus, poor dad knocked him over and poor son died on the spot... and before this accident, his son was really interested in dragonflies and so he decided to etch his last memory of his son on his body to be remembered forever.
* * *
many other sad(er) stories...
-------------------------------------
OH OH! teeheehee, i am happy i bought new art stuff!!!
iyar, art. :( dont think i can finish on time how how how.
--------------------------------------
MAH JONG. played one round at grandma's place yesterday..
proud to say, I WON many many!
lol the dad says i'm a hustler. booz. xB
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
\\\\\\\\\\*self- destruct
Saturday, January 12, 2008
i've finish reading The Time Traveler's Wife(sadly), and its a beautiful book. :) everyone should go read it. NOW!
sigh. i love reading books, i love buying books. haha. yeah, i half- judge a book by its cover. all the books i buy have nice covers. :D but i love how i stare at a book(with a nice cover of course) and somehow, its as though i can absorb the content of the book and gain a feeling from it just by looking and hence decide that i must buy it. even though the blurb doesnt seem interesting at all. heh.
to world enough and time
my perspective on time is all wonky right now, its warped up-ness confounds me.
we're only almost into the second week of january, but it seems like its been forevarrr.
eh, i'm worned out already.
yet at the same time, it feels as though time is flying.
worse still, getting quicker all the time...
every second that slips away is never coming back.
every morning of every weekend i wake up only to fall back to sleep and waking up only in the afternoon,
i regret and berate myself for all that wasted time before moving on with life.
but i cant help it, i'm tired i'm frazzled i'm fatigued i never seem to be able to recuperate.
exhaustion piles and accumulates, soon i'd have my own Mt. Everest.... if this continues, ten years down the road i'd have a stairway to heaven.
is it possible for time to be moving snail- pace and yet fly simultaneously.?
like the middle, narrow portion of an hourglass, where the flow of sand reduces to a tiny trickle before cascading into the depths of that glass prison... and all over again, and all over again..
-------------------------------------------------------
i'm on the edge of the precipice, but its a beautiful view up here.
you, are so disappointing.
present continuous, cos i'm not gonna delude myself.
i've been doing just that for the past god-knows-how-many years.
i cant even speak to you, spoken words are useless at getting my point across anyway.
you wouldnt even listen to what i have to say, you either tweak my words to your own favor or reject them completely.
how am i supposed to survive.
bastard.
and the scars they fade
you're just a sad song with nothing to say.
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
there's a slight musty 'momo-ish' smell in my room.
(to those who understand)
i like it very much...
it smells so familiar, its the smell of comfort. :)
i think we should have a longer recess time, half an hour is hardly enough.
5 mins for traveling, 15 mins queuing, 7 mins to eat.
i gorge down my food and RUN up to class all the time. (and sometimes still end up late)
how can it be, that our school inculcates such unhealthy lifestyles.?
i'm surprised, hello appendicitis. oh woe is me.
----------------------------------------------
i see my future, i see my death
without reluctance, i take flight
blazing sun, crystalline beads
death is awaiting.
i should not make him wait.
hesitant gaze, he acquiesce
glaring fiercer, liquid wax
wish fulfilled, i smile in slumber
death is awaiting.
i cannot wait.
Labels: maybe Icarus was suicidal
Monday, January 07, 2008
why put a new address on the same old loneliness.?
got our art o lvl course work question today..
1. Traditional & modern
2. Foreshortened
3. Water's Edge
4. Stacked
5. Sightseers
6. Contours
zzzz major exam, mind-numbing questions. i guess i'm not that confident after all.
myth/folklore myth/folklore some help please. dont ever question me to see my reaction, test my self- esteem, or just for sheer amusement. i self- doubt. (i suppose thats not your problem but HEY, be kind.) :(
ahhh i just had a new hair cut today, and i dont know what to say. (lol rhymes!)
well. me the paranoid freak took like ten million years to decide whether i should get my hair cut.
i knew i shouldnt have. bahh.
its not long, i cant twiddle and twirl it around anymore...
i'm actually really sad to part with my hair, i was quite satisfied with my previous hairdo. (although its gotten long and heavy)
i dont think i'm gonna leave my hair down a lot... :( i hope it grows longer/ back to normal by chinese new year. eekywawa i panic.
& i'm not ever going to cut my hair again..... not in a really long time.
Labels: my hair my hair my hair hair hair
Sunday, January 06, 2008
i forgot how my laughter sounds like.
i have a throbbing headache.
Friday, January 04, 2008
you got me ten feet off the ground and now i'm falling, falling.
oh joy, i've committed to a no life life.
fully and over packed weeks await me, i dread.
art for sec four year ends at 5.15pm now, instead of 3.30pm,
which means i will be spending approximately twelve hours in school everyday, including travel time.
zzzomg.
i dont dread art days, though. i absolutely love art. ha ha ha in fact i like this extended time...
but as i have alluded in my previous post regarding a certain unattainable time turner, i need the time for other things too, hey. >.<
oh! we have a new art assignment, on the theme of myth or folklore.
heehee, i've got an idea in an entirely different interpretation based on integration,
i need time and time to think it through, to see if it'll work. x)
think i'll try OIL, i've always been mildly fascinated by this medium. haha.
mehlenkolee sounds funny. xD
Thursday, January 03, 2008
if only self -motivation grew on trees we'd bare the trees of fruits
if only perseverance was human nature so we dont gravitate to pain
if only happiness was an automated-response an equilibrium state of mind
if only humans dont feed on hope for hope is oh so cruel
if only...
&all the wishful thinkings.
how many days has it been since "I am gifted so are you.".? how quick everything fades. maybe if i record and listen to it everyday.... and only perhaps..
this ambivalence scares the shit out of me.
sigh. so many things to do, so little time. (yah yah. and i waste time writing this.)
i really need a time turner, i dont have much sleeping time left to cut. someone help me ask Professor McGonagall.
pretty please.?
even if treasuring you was a deathwish.
i know i'd do it anyway.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy New Year, all.
this year was kinda interesting cos instead of going for countdown parties, watching elaborate fireworks, sitting on the beach to hear the ships horn, we welcomed the new year at......
THE AIRPORT.
and i realize that the airport is the most inappropriate place to celebrate the new year.
cos new year or not, the airport runs twenty four hours like clockwork, oblivious to any special occasion in time. NO ONE CARES. so the digital clock slowly counts down down and when it struck twelve, well. happy new year wishes, handshakes......... but every new minute feels as old as the last. there was no difference, really. stupick airpork.
