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Monday, June 30, 2008

as the horse stampedes and rages in the name of desperation

"it is still sometimes difficult to distinguish what happened from what might have happened"

ha ha cant imagine. dream and reality overlap. meep.
i cant wait for art to be over!
but i'll be so damn sad when it does.
tsk, all this ambivalence is bound to kill someday.
my canvas inches to completion.
i do have to admit it rather looks good!
all the way, people! we can do it. we must. :)

fridayyy! seems so far away

she's not here @

7:48 PM

Saturday, June 28, 2008

last night was awesumz!!! ha ha
great dwinks,
great music,
great company,
great singingz,
great magician(lol),
great blowjobs.(mexican. :D)

NO, its not what you think it is!
mexican blowjobs are shooters, a shot of tequila+a dose of whipped cream.
and you are not allowed to touch the glass, you can only use your mouth to down it.
yummy. :D

thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letterbox they tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe

where is my mind.?

nobody updates their blog frequently enough to keep me entertained.
cheez & crackers

she's not here @

2:47 PM

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

kkkkkkkk fuck at this rate, i'm not gonna make it for Os!
reality check. wake up, girl!!!
there's only one place i'd go.
if i dont get in, i'd prolly ruin my life by dumping myself in some other place i know i'd rather not be in.
asscrack.
i'd do anything.
i'd sleep at three every night.
i'd buy ring files obsessively.
i'd sell my soul. (what..?)

FINE, i'll studyyyy............... (and blog less.)
not now tho. :(
art is killing me.
cheebye, i have one last melatonin tablet left. (sorry jolyn!)

ha ha. do you like jasmine flowers.?

she's not here @

9:44 PM

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

its so much easier when you've learned to not care.
the only person getting all upset and emotionally hurt is you.
the only people who bother when you're upset and emotionally hurt is well, you.

There's no time to discriminate every motherfucker that's in your way..!

gee, i want friday to both come and not come. :(

she's not here @

7:27 PM

Monday, June 23, 2008

its a magical world!
or so we should believe.

23rd june officially started with a sleepless night despite my dose of melatonin. (why why why)
which was a blessing in disguise, because i woke up earlier, giving myself more time to wash up.
i love taking my own sweet time. :)
traveled to school in the usual dreaded fashion,
met with the usual awesome people for breakfast.
doped up on caffeine, i was prepared for my first day back to skooool..

i was as bubbly and as enthusiastic as any preschooler on their first day in school. i babbled non-stop, made inconsequential small talk, greeted every teacher i saw.
but as the day dragged on and the wonderful effects of caffeine waned, impatience planted its roots in me and began to grow branches, sprout leaves, and bear fruits. in the end, i was left shag and shredded of hope. my canvas had to bear the full brunt of my insufferable impatience. poor thing.

this month long holiday has clearly brought about growth, and a change of mindset in everyone.
growth in hair length and a mindset gravitating towards the immature end of the spectrum.
a mindset that only further accentuates the foibles of human nature, the very reasons attributing to my misanthropy.
let me elucidate, lest i should seem to contradict myself at times.
i always tell people that i believe every bad person has a good heart.
no one is born bad, but environmental factors and poor upbringing leads to the perversion of human character, causing that person to become "bad".
gosh, this makes me sound like a people lover.
HOWEVER, i see it as a fact that everyone lies, manipulates, and indulges in hypocrisy.
yes, even the "good" ones.
everything a person does is dictated by motive.
be it fear, guilt, or anger, this motive belongs to the general category of self- interest.
"i had to do what i thought was right.."
well, its the only reason anybody does anything.

ostracized.? i care not.
looking at the people i am to defend myself against, it hardly seems worth it.
they say 'ignorance is bliss'.
i beg to differ.
feigned ignorance makes you a slightly happier kid.

she's not here @

8:44 PM

Sunday, June 22, 2008

i am currently in denial, i dont want to go back to school!
stay over at Sam's place on friday felt like the start of hols all over again...
i havent done my homework. :(((

many people have jumped onto the bench wagon of "consumerism blogging".
not sure if there's such a term, but basically, it simply means blogging with the intention of entertaining your readers.
ironically, we all know we do not blog for ourselves, but most of us pretend as if we do.
that's what blogging is about. spilling your secrets to the world, because somehow you really wished people knew. and the cool part is, even after having your secret exposed, most people will not openly acknowledge having read your blog straight to your face, so your "secret" cleverly remains a secret.
taa- daah! blogging will never be a sell out.
ultimately, your blog is all about yourself. your feelings, your day, your musings etc... although self- absorbed, your posts may still be meaningful(for yourself) when you delve into your musings and philosophies.
however, "consumerism blogging" is mostly shallow and small talk. take xia xue, for example, and all the people who try so hard to get nuffnang ads. they post meaningless nothings in attempt to gain readers and popularity. in fact, xia xue was a commendable writer, but that was long ago before she became famous. now, her posts are ridden with superficiality, vulgarities, and bad english. tsk.
oh well, she benefits from writing all these crap anyway, good for her. me, i'll never want to be like her. artificial.

she's not here @

6:38 PM

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

ACK. i just realised how disgusting my blog looks on IE. pleeez use netscape/ mozilla!!! meep.

oh, and your naivety sickens me. nobody writes blogs for themselves to read, dear. you cant blame people for "stalking" you online when you wanted the attention in the first place.

Air Traffic- Shooting Star

awesome, underrated band. :)))
tsk the people who discriminate indie songs/bands without even listening to them. tsk!

looking forward to chomping+dwinking tmr :)
why oh why cant it rain JackDaniels.

P.S, if you and your friends are intending to hang out together and you know a particular friend cannot make it, will you ask him/her out anyway.?
cos intentions dont matter.

she's not here @

7:18 PM

Monday, June 16, 2008

1 art room + 2 legs = 12 mosquito bites
hardly fair. >:(

art marathon at jedidi's cribz yesterday.
not as productive as the first, sadly. sigh.
think i'll call my little gnome friends to help me out.
too bad they only come out at twelve midnight!

she's not here @

9:27 PM

Friday, June 13, 2008

turns out to be that pursuing passion is not always the best course of action.
its such a shame to feel this way.
nowhere to run, no place to hide.
someone tell me what i should do.

tsk.

melatonin tablets are yummy.


she's not here @

4:42 PM

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

i sense impending doom.
my naked canvas stares at me with mocking contempt,
taunting me with the bitter truth of failure.
this shall be the token that will grant you entrance into my carnival,
as audience to watch the spectacular conflagration as i crash and burn.

scoop a cup of water from the ocean; there is no fish in it.
does this mean that there are no fishes in the ocean.?

its as if i came along too soon
you're trying to fit me in but you cant seem to find the room
its okay i'm better here
no one can hurt me in my atmosphere

dont you know who you are.?
you're my shooting star

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she's not here @

12:05 AM

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

how depressing. the trees are gone.

'cause in love there are no answers and in life there is no right

she's not here @

6:37 PM

Friday, June 06, 2008

i'm no psychic vampire :)

i've fallen
but you cant break my fall
what we had
was nothing at all

misunderstandings arise when people assume too much, disappointment sinks in when people expect.
these things happen mostly between friends, to people we care about. not really between strangers, strangely.
misunderstandings.
most people have very flawed thin-slicing.
thin-slicing refers to the adapting of the sub-conscious that allows you to read subtle expressions and glean a conclusion, like whether a person is expressing false niceness, or whether a person has hidden agendas. (you know how they say 70% of a conversation is made by observing the person's expressions)
but people misinterpret all the time.
disappointment.
people, especially friends, expect things out of friendships.
by things, i dont exactly mean material goods. for example, people often expect friends to mind-read them. " you should know..." they often say. i ask: how are we supposed to know, if you dont say.?

the brutal truth is such that all relationships are conditional.
and the world will be a much better place if everyone fucking say what they mean.

always and forever,
is such a long and lonely time..


she's not here @

5:12 PM

Thursday, June 05, 2008

"its like trying to come in first in someone else's race.."
"you took yourself out of the race."
"if i'm not in the race, i can never lose"
"neither can you win."
"i dont have to win.."
"but you can try.. it depends on how much you're willing to pay."
"the price seems too high for me to pay.
what if it all amounts to nothing in the end.?"

she's not here @

1:36 AM

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

yaye! oh happy day.
managed to wake up early despite last night's bout of insomnia for chinese lesson.
lol. chinese.
ha ha partly fueled by guilt, i'll admit.
i asked for the extra lessons, missed the previous one, didnt want my teacher to hate me.
but i was on time and even got myself a mcdonald's breakfast!
hotcakes+sausage+cafe latte= awesomeness :D
studied a bit with claudia in school after that, then went off to meet khairiah for more studying.
did some productive organic chem! *pats myself on the back*
last night's scaring-self session worked. heh
and i realised, i splurge splurge splurge on fooood. not healthy. boo.


she's not here @

7:26 PM

Tuesday, June 03, 2008

hypocrites. Everyone is a hypocrite, only some are bigger hypocrites than others. does this make us any less guilty.?

liar liar pants on fire

she's not here @

6:38 PM


thinking is a habit.

meep, we're well into week two of the "holiday"... no wait, i'll take away the rabbit ears because i'll admit i'm not as hardworking as i hoped to be. :( boo hoo hoo. sigh, chantal come back and force me to do hmwk! dsitractionsdistractionsdistractions

gee, i want to learn how to interpret dreams! i'm having a lot of dreams lately, which is weird considering how i havent slept properly, much less dreamed in a long long long time. but no i dont want to dream because they make me wake up in the afternoon! >.<

okeh i hate this post my english is broken as it is i'll delete it soon bye.

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she's not here @

4:20 PM

Sunday, June 01, 2008

my neck is aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching aching so is my back.

ha ha ha after typing so many aching, i started reading it as a ching.

she's not here @

10:00 PM