Saturday, January 31, 2009
yay, i'm so glad that all of our plans have been put into action recently.
kboxing yesterday was awesome fun!
i sang, and i dont care if you guys hated it.
ha ha ha
which still leaves having a picnic and flying a kite... :(
school commences on Monday!!!
i was posted to MJC, pleasant surprise there.
boy, i am excited :DDD
i do have normal fears though, like what if i turn up late, what if i dont have friends, what if i dont like the school's feng shui, what if i have crappy teachers and all that.
i'm also wondering how i should appear to all the new people...
ah wells, que sera sera
she's not here @
12:17 PM
Thursday, January 29, 2009
do what you do best, just walk away.
choke back your strangled words.
we promised we'll talk things through, you didnt even try.
i look away and you just fade away
dwindle, gentle rose
she's not here @
6:36 PM
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
she stares blindly, phone at her ear, the wind's icy carress lifting the hairs on her arms and on the back of her bare neck.
she listens intently, absently thinking;
wordless communication.
or was there no communication at all.
her mind wanders to hams and eggs.
perhaps she is a chicken. perhaps they both are.
five
ten
twenty minutes.
she realises that their sudden display of patience is yet another game of "Say 'Uncle'".
she recalls the countless times that she has said "Uncle",
and is once again trumped by the self-created, self-induced state of mind that is Love.
she's not here @
11:25 PM
are we the only ones who practise opening our ang paos after the 15 days of cny.?
chan if you cant come to stay over, i can go to your place instead. :)
but i have xbox, guitar hero, and there's a 7-11 downstairs....
i need to clear the mess in my room!
and i also badly want to go to japan.
she's not here @
10:45 PM
Friday, January 23, 2009
Sengkang has become a lovely scenic place, what with the sprawling fields and sudden inclination for recreational activities such as kite flying and motorised-plane flying amongst residents and non-residents alike who actually go through the trouble of driving down to Sengkang just to fly their piece of prized metal and sometimes even get a ticket for parking by the roadside.
oh gawd i honestly think my english is trashy and it has gotten trash-ier ever since i've begun to read less frequently. okay fine, my english has always been trashy whatever.
ANYway, i have had the strongest desire to go kite flying for the longest time(ask anyone) and it really repels me to think that being spectator to other people's kite-flying endeavors is as close as i can get to flying one. augh,!
no, i dont possess a kite, so can any kind soul kindly lend me one.?
there were many people, mostly little children and their fathers, flying an assortment of kites today. it was such a heart-warming sight, those lucky kids! makes me want to whip out my camera to snap a candid shot; picturesque, like those default pictures in photoframes..
zzz CMI, no skill.
oh yes! just1book @ Dhoby exchange is kewlz!
i got a shock when Ly reminded me CNY is in 3 days time.
i completely forgot!!!
srslyzzomg so fast.
KBOXing soon, girlfriends!!! ^^
she's not here @
8:03 PM
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
so we pick and choose who we want to remain close to.
no matter how much we hurt them,
the people that are still with you at the end of the day, those are the ones worth keeping.
forgive and forget
you, left me hanging, hanging.
sins of omission
*
i am extremely tempted to just chop off my dreary-looking hair...
but my hair's not easy to manage..
but school's starting..
but i'm annoyed by it..
but no one is able to give me a good hair cut so far..
but i want a newer, fresher look..
but what if it becomes screwed up..
sigh, i should someday learn to can the paranoia.
i want to fly a kite, have a picnic, visit night safari/underwater world, stay out past 3 a.m before school starts. dates, anyone.?
FRIENDS!!! promise we'd still be friends, even after a long long time
she's not here @
3:27 AM
Thursday, January 15, 2009
i need honey lemon.
&we love until we bleed
she's not here @
9:54 PM
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
candyfloss danced in the sky of wondrous blue
they twirled and swirled before envious eyes;
the frantic wind blew(the wind is good)-
all racing towards the other end of the field.
(perhaps the grass is greener there)
a sprinkle of moisture dampened my face
it's feather-touch sang of unspoken woes;
my heavenly Father smiled at me-
(He said He watched me watch the show)
i smiled back and i was healed.
she's not here @
6:24 PM
i am a selfish and terrible person.
i am selfish, i am rude to my parents(they were rude to me first. when i say "daddy, mummy, eat" at the dining table, they think i have an ulterior motive. wtff), i am an escapist.
i'm the little girl who runs away and hides in a corner when mishaps happen.
i'm the little girl who wishes bad things would just disappear.
i am pro at pressing delete to certain portions of my life, and carrying on as if they never happened.
i know that doing nothing changes nothing. there is no closure, but i've train myself to live with that.
i try to be very mature most of the time.
but occasionally, i act like a little girl and hide behind the excuse that i am still a teenager.
so i'm sorry, because i know this hurts people, but i'm too coward to confront my faults.
and if you all will just cut me some slack, i will be entirely grateful.
i am now $300 richer because i got 3 A1s. my mother was reluctant, though, because my parents think my future is ruined.
lousy, crappy excuse for human beings..
there is so much world beyond that little box, dear.
waffles and spaghetti!
she's not here @
1:51 AM
Monday, January 12, 2009
i used to have an edge.
i used to be nonchalant towards things concerning examinations, and never will anyone catch me crying over matters such as crappy results. (they usually turn out well anyway, much to my pleasant surprise)
this is not necessarily a bad change, i suppose, since it's proof that examinations matter to me.
but i would like to have my edge back, please.
thank goodness Ms Poon was there to comfort me, to assure me that "all is not lost".
i used to have this particular reminder written in multiple languages on the first page of my journals, hence, it was extremely comforting to hear this heartfelt assurance right when i needed it.
else, i reckon i'd still be pretty upset and probably wallowing in self- pity and denial..
such wise and kind people are indeed a rare breed in recent years, i sincerely hope Cedarians (and everyone, for the matter) will learn to cherish such precious souls rather than suck up to others who only thrive in throwing their authority about and self-aggrandising to gain popularity amongst students.
seriously not cool.
scary and damaged. ha ha ha
congrats, boy! you did good :)
& congrats arters '07-'08, 100% distinctions which is honestly record-breaking!!!!
(the self- satisfaction is so great we dont even need ou yang to acknowledge it. she can conveniently forget about us for all i care)
hindsight. EH FRENZ YOU GUYS HOW AH
she's not here @
11:07 PM
wise up, young man.
dont let your heart rule your head,
'cos we all know logic is universal
TWELVE HOURSZZXZXZZZOMGGGG
Ly's camping at my house tonight! we're movie marathoning, cos both of us decided we couldnt sleep anyways.
sigh.
a rush of blood to the head.
ly said she always wanted to lie in the middle of the road, so did i, so we did.
heeee
she's not here @
12:43 AM
Friday, January 09, 2009
08 January '09
i fear my results come Monday. Dread fills the bottomless pit of my gut, every inch of my mind is tainted with regret for things bygone and impossible to change.
Fear is so human. yet is it wrong, God, because it exposes my lack in faith for the plans you have installed for me.?
2 a.m
i cannot sleep. My mind is restless, incessantly fretting over useless things. i wish i could peek into the future, to see where i'm at, and, if i still exist, if i am leading a good life. Or maybe not, lest i become witness to a life-altering event which, regardless, would be impossible to prevent. "The future isn't set in stone, it changes all the time with the decisions we make.."
Sure, sure. Disengage yourself from the space- time continuum and tell me if you see what i see.
Oh Lord, i can only trust your wise and worthy judgement.. i pray by your unending love and grace that You will take where You want me, and, should You harden my heart against You, do not forsake me.
6 a.m
the younger sister barges into my room and switches on the glaring light.
"Tsk, what the heck..."
my initial annoyance dissipated and was replaced by a new annoyance that settled upon the crispy realization that i am still awake.
"what the heck..."
she's not here @
9:51 PM
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
k folks I LOST MY PHONE ahz line's been terminated alr so dont be alarmed or pissed when i dont pick up your calls nor reply your text messages..
i may also need you guys to text me your numbers again, in case they're not saved in my sim card.
there shouldn't be a change in my phone number, but currently i'm not holding on to a handphone!
for now: call my house phone, or talk to me on msn, or text audrey to leave me a message, or ask me for my boyz's number in case of emergencies! or send me an email, or send me a letter... lets do things the old skool way yoz :)
hmmm. everyone at aston's thinks i'm a mixed blood. meow.?
STARS, people! a friend is selling one front row ticket for $130.. interested.? contact me via the aforementioned methods so i can contact him to contact you.
you never had a chance you know,
incurable romantics never do.
TAKE ME TAKE ME TO THE RIOT!
she's not here @
1:08 AM
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
the Esprit knitted button dress in my wishlist.
it was going for $45 after a 50% discount and my mom was willing to buy it for me!!!!
but guess what,
NO SIZE.
aughhhhzzzzz....
she's not here @
12:44 AM
Sunday, January 04, 2009
i havent drew in a long time.
i havent picked up a pencil, nor did anything remotely close to art in a long time.
we sat at the basement of The Cathay, drinking our drinks, chatting about what we should do with ourselves now that we've graduated.
all of us were hesitant, if not reluctant, to continue taking art as a subject when we enter junior college.
i am sure that all of us are grievous at the prospect of not being an art student anymore.
there is a lot that i will miss.
no more carrying huge draft files, no more "bandung nights", no more dancing/singing/doodling on the whiteboard/making ourselves at home in the art room, no more using each other to bounce off ideas for concepts...
but art will never cease to be a part of me.
i'm not (and perhaps never will be) one of the amazing kids who stand out as gifted, but not many of the other kids are a brooding mess like me.
and where we lack in talent or skill, we compensate by being perceptive and deep thinking.
as we part ways and take the roads oft-travelled,
i hope all of us will keep involved with art, to do art purely out of passion.
may we all get an A1 for "O" level art.
gosh-
HEY! HO! LET'S GO!
she's not here @
1:31 PM
Friday, January 02, 2009
i cannot believe how 2009 just barged into my life without pressing the doorbell or telling me first..
it's almost rude!
new year resolution: GET SLIM. bwahaha i can do it!
TEN days till we receive our results..zzzomgg...
i need to start shopping for school stuff.
and dresses! date me, friends :D
i've been feeling increasingly distant from God lately.
i'm forgetting how to love, i'm hurting the very people i care about, i'm easily frustrated, i'm impatient, i'm prideful, i am ashamed.
God why am i like that.
i'm just..... indifferent.
indifferent towards everything.
i'm such a terrible person, someone please help me. :(
dear, i'm sorry, i cannot believe i said all those terrible things.
please put up with me till i set my heart straight.
please forgive me.
she's not here @
12:45 AM
