Friday, February 27, 2009
you did what you do best- just walked away
when we go down, your loss of courage
"...and by a range of gaunt thorns all stretching their limbs one way, as if craving alms of the sun"
(Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë)
a million little pieces
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
school has begun to take on its mundane routine, already we are digressing about classmates, bitching about tutors, sneaking food into lecture theatres. the topics we have learnt/ are learning for each subject (B,C,M,eL,KI) are pretty trying, the wide chasm between 'O' Level and Pre-U is difficult to bridge. i still hate Maths and the mathematical parts in Chem, but i'm willing to put in an effort to learn to love them. God, please give me clarity of my mind's eye.
Friday, February 20, 2009
ok seriously.
all the time i waste here trying to articulate my despair should have been put to better use, and all the energy i waste on emotions should have been channeled to school work as a form of productive distraction.
i know i know i know but it's difficult to dredge myself out from the pile of stinking temptation to procrastinate, i'm sinking and i have been sinking since god knows when, so i need more time to get my motor running. gawd, that in itself is a rationalisation. and i have more catching up to do than the rest.
why am i like that.
pinch me, is this real.? this feeling of regret
wake up every morning to the same old mess.
hug myself, hold my chest tight..
this internal blackhole once again, not again.
but there will be no cleaning of the skeletons in my closet,
all that cowardice will keep them in.
i cannot stumble here-
i am safe inside my head.
when i wake up i'll forget, i can try, i will never forget.
tasting life, numb again.
stay asleep;
i am floating up to Heaven, in the corners of my dreams.
but i will wake up i have to wake up
i will come back to my mess
close my eyes, it begins.
i am safe inside my head
or maybe not
Sunday, February 15, 2009
oh ew ants have invaded my new computer table.
i'd really love to rant on about how V-day is a time of propaganda whereby the happiest people on this mindless day are florists and bosses of supermarkets because people get scammed into $6 per stalk roses...but i insist that i am not a cynical bitter crank, and i should avoid spoiling other people's day. so, Happy St. Valentine's to all the cosy couples and sad parrots out there!
i'm suffering from bouts of heat rash, which is really to be expected, what with the endless baking in this infernal thermal-hole ,but still intolerable. death point srsly..
let's find another galaxy.
Sins of omission.
how might one unwittingly commit a sin.?
how might one love and not lust.?
how might one live without melancholy.?
how might one know and not learn.?
and that yellow bird, he rose and died again.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
it has been a long week.
after a stretch of what seemed like eternity, i was alarmed to discover that we are still in our first week since lessons started.
for all who claim or claimed that we are still in a honeymoon or post- orientation, that's bullshit man.
during our break after the first chem lecture, the J1s have already begun to chiong tutorial homework...
my friends and i included.
it's a sad case, really, but it cannot be helped.
they throw us piles of tutorial worksheets, and they dont negotiate.
during breaks in between lectures, after school in the library... the study tables are always teeming with J1s, all anxious to clamber to the top.
my friends and i have begun our routine of after-school mugging, and we are all perfectly aware that
it never ends.
but here in Mj, we have our fair share of fun as well.. with CCAs starting this wednesday and a Road Race coming up, life's gonna be hectic and one helluva fun.
let's keep it this way :)
FRIENDS! we promise to meet up regularly aye, see you guys soon-ish!
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
I AM ABSOLUTELY LOVING MJC!!!
orientation starts tomorrow, and i cant wait for lectures-tutorials to commence!
i'm not masochistic or anything, the novelty of such a teaching system just fills me with anticipation..
the seniors in mj are very welcoming and exceedingly enthusiastic, even for things like singing the school song and participating in the mass dance.
the palpable sense of true school spirit is seriously mind- blowing and compels us to continue their legacy.
i pray and pray that we(J1s '09) can be like them.
to all my dear friends, i hope that you all are, and will do well in your respective JCs!
Sunday, February 01, 2009
i started clearing my room this afternoon and i'm proud to say that i filed up all my notes.
i'm still pretty obsessed over ring files. :D
within hindsight, sometimes i think that i spend more quality time admiring my neatly filed and tabbed notes rather than actually studying them.
its terrible how i fall victim to my convoluted sense of perfection all the time..
green grapes are yummy!
i have a bag of old soft toys.
some were given to me by my grandma, and i am loath to throw them all away
