Saturday, October 23, 2010
'Dengeki Daisy' is a brilliant manga, but I don't know, I guess it's not very healthy. It gives the same effect as reading Plath, or something. Especially when I am frequently unable to distinguish between myself and the persona.
Sometimes i find the way I act irritating and I don't want to impose this burden onto anyone. But I don't know what to do myself when I get repeatedly defeated by darkness.
I try very hard to hold on to every little feeling of recovery, but I guess it only works in the day when there is light streaming in from everywhere. I wish I could capture some of it and safekeep it in my heart so that darkness couldn't so easily undo all that I've done..
Would you understand if I say I feel abandoned?
Being hyper self-aware is not good at all if it doesn't contribute positively.
I can't find a solution when I have no explanations. I am as bizarre to my own self as you probably think I am.. It is already too late but if I can't find a solution soon then really good luck to me. But by tomorrow I believe I will be fine again.
Sometimes i find the way I act irritating and I don't want to impose this burden onto anyone. But I don't know what to do myself when I get repeatedly defeated by darkness.
I try very hard to hold on to every little feeling of recovery, but I guess it only works in the day when there is light streaming in from everywhere. I wish I could capture some of it and safekeep it in my heart so that darkness couldn't so easily undo all that I've done..
Would you understand if I say I feel abandoned?
Being hyper self-aware is not good at all if it doesn't contribute positively.
I can't find a solution when I have no explanations. I am as bizarre to my own self as you probably think I am.. It is already too late but if I can't find a solution soon then really good luck to me. But by tomorrow I believe I will be fine again.
she's not here @
1:13 AM
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Frustration, gloom and despair are a fair description of your mood today, Cheryl! The alliance of the Hanged Man and the Moon suggests you're thinking that your emotional life has reached some kind of impasse, and that there's no way out.
These cards confirm the need of a separation and are telling you that your hopes of a reconciliation are doomed to failure. A real bad day.
As always when you need to withdraw, Cheryl, the danger is that the people around you might feel that you are letting them down, or rejecting them. So you need to make some compromise- and leave your door ajar.
In your work environment, you are seriously hampered by a lack of freedom, and this is causing you a great deal of frustration. Temperance and the Hanged Man show that you are trying hard to adapt to the situation, but the slightest provocation might have you storm right out of the office. Unless you really feel that it's worth the supreme effort, don't propose any sacrifices which you will only regret later.
:O :( spot on
"I wanna catch my death of cold"
These cards confirm the need of a separation and are telling you that your hopes of a reconciliation are doomed to failure. A real bad day.
As always when you need to withdraw, Cheryl, the danger is that the people around you might feel that you are letting them down, or rejecting them. So you need to make some compromise- and leave your door ajar.
In your work environment, you are seriously hampered by a lack of freedom, and this is causing you a great deal of frustration. Temperance and the Hanged Man show that you are trying hard to adapt to the situation, but the slightest provocation might have you storm right out of the office. Unless you really feel that it's worth the supreme effort, don't propose any sacrifices which you will only regret later.
:O :( spot on
"I wanna catch my death of cold"
she's not here @
12:19 AM
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I guess, for my particular circumstance, a state of 'feeling nothing' is the next best thing to recovery, since the latter as it would seem cannot be easily attained nor sustained for more than a fortnight.
Falling ill again, need to get better and productive. Am feeling blessed, taking the vitamin C that Mrs Liang(Bio tutor) bought for the whole class and lemsip from Yijun's 'carepack'... Wei Ren informed us that the vitamins are selling for $6.40 per box at Guardian, and Mrs Liang bought one box per person for my whole class!?!? I feel very bad that I can't even reciprocate her goodwill by attending her lectures:(
Yijun darling if you are reading this please know that I truly appreciate your lovely carepack!!!! Seeing it makes me feel vvv happy and blessed:) the reason I'm so tardy in giving you something in return is because I'm afraid it would seem obligatory:( I promise you that I will always be here for you!
*
Crucial moments like this tend to reveal the ugly aspects of a person's character that is usually masked by superficial goodtimes and what for in having a friend that is only useful during goodtimes? How long can one pretend, forgive, and forget... The least a person should do is to not become an overbearing liability to others, and if they ever should, have some shame about it.
Falling ill again, need to get better and productive. Am feeling blessed, taking the vitamin C that Mrs Liang(Bio tutor) bought for the whole class and lemsip from Yijun's 'carepack'... Wei Ren informed us that the vitamins are selling for $6.40 per box at Guardian, and Mrs Liang bought one box per person for my whole class!?!? I feel very bad that I can't even reciprocate her goodwill by attending her lectures:(
Yijun darling if you are reading this please know that I truly appreciate your lovely carepack!!!! Seeing it makes me feel vvv happy and blessed:) the reason I'm so tardy in giving you something in return is because I'm afraid it would seem obligatory:( I promise you that I will always be here for you!
*
Crucial moments like this tend to reveal the ugly aspects of a person's character that is usually masked by superficial goodtimes and what for in having a friend that is only useful during goodtimes? How long can one pretend, forgive, and forget... The least a person should do is to not become an overbearing liability to others, and if they ever should, have some shame about it.
she's not here @
12:50 AM
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
I am on a mission.
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
It really looks very pretty.
Also painful, but emotions are secondary.
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAA
It really looks very pretty.
Also painful, but emotions are secondary.
she's not here @
12:22 AM
Tuesday, October 05, 2010
A person who is constitutively depressed [via prone to severe melancholy such that it occasionally inhibits normal functioning] such as myself is clearly not suitable for a long life. We shall wait to see how long I last.
she's not here @
10:41 PM
