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Monday, November 29, 2010

Typing this on 'Blogbooster', a quick recommend for anyone using iPhone who blogs! I love the app button and clean interface, all very hip and cutesy! Good functionality, plus it supports swivel keyboard (Y). Simple and Awesome.

Borrowed a ton of crime thriller novels of the Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. Finally have time to read my novels again (though I still have one last mcq paper)! Chloe was saying one day that because of excessive English Lit studies, she is only able to read classics because she is now too sensitive to form, structure, literary devices and all that. I'm thankful that I'm still able to switch the ELit part of my brain on and off whenever I like. Ha ha

The past few days since I took a break from studying have been great, got some exercise and caught up with close friends. Finally met up with lovely Chantal, I really don't have to say much because chan has already said everything so well on her blog<3

Also with darlings Kf and Chloe, I expect to be meeting with them much more frequently and hopefully kf will be chauffeuring us around quite soon!

Yesterday was awesome awesome fun, joined JQ and his friends for a session of floorball, met so many new and friendly and awesome people! Supper afterwards, where E-Liz, JQ, Oliver and I ended up chatting till 2am.. I wonder if we will all meet again?

she's not here @

9:12 PM

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

December is soon upon us.
It's the time of the year, apart from thanks giving, to look back and introspect on how we fared as human beings for the past eleven months.
the end of years always exert a strange power over me, i tend to be overcome with nostalgia and loneliness and memories, that are usually accompanied with some form of guilt and grief..
i'm not fond of Novembers and Decembers, though i like how they sound and the kind of wistful wintery atmosphere that i usually attach to them. It probably has something to do with the mood of 'gloom' and 'death' when things come to an end; the entire season can be described in general as 'sad', and it's only how i perceive things but i'm not particularly good with endings.

Looking back, i feel that for the whole year thus far i've been nothing but a letdown.
I've been a letdown in every aspect of school/life-- my CCA, my grades, my friendships yada
and i blame only myself (and sometimes God i'm sorry i should never).
I feel very angry (at myself) because i know i haven't put in my best in every endeavor, it's not about what i think i'm capable of but rather the amount of effort i invested in every fight.
and i hugely apologize to all my tutors and coaches who had so much faith in me, who never worried much about me because they never doubted my abilities. I let myself down and it pains me to say this now that everything has been done.

I am genuinely remorseful for being such a terrible person and i am reflecting on my behaviour.
i wonder if anyone feels more ill at ease as themselves than i do. i don't think this is some 'identity-crisis thingy', and i'm not going to do any major 'personality overhaul'..
but i will need more time to sort myself out and meanwhile i beg for your forgiveness.


she's not here @

2:29 AM